When I was a little girl, the world told me that when you're in love, everything feels different. Everything starts to change. At least, that's what I saw in the movies. The leaves change their colors and the sky looks prettier and everything seems just about perfect when you are in love. But what no one told me was that falling in "love," would also change who I am.
I never thought that being in a relationship would cost me my identity. I never thought my love and attraction for another would consume me in entirety and I would start to neglect and discard pieces of my personality. My likes, my favorite music, my ideology, my friends, my family and even my passions. Nobody tells you that when you "fall in love" you also lose in love. You lose the best and most precious parts of yourself almost subconsciously so that you don't even realize how much you have changed.
Then when you're heartbroken, when your trust is shattered into a billion pieces, when someone walks out on you, you finally begin to see everything for what it was. You realize that the scriptwriters and the movie makers lied or forgot to specify that love doesn't change everything, it changes you. Maybe that is why they call it "falling" in love because you fall, you lose control, you forget to embrace yourself and your identity.
But I try to look for the silver lining. When there aren't any tears left and you've trained your body and mind to cater to your needs before anyone else's, you find yourself again. At least I did. It's been almost half a year since a man left me and pinned the blame on my background and my personality, though I erased almost every bit of it away for him. Now, I feel like someone has given me a second life. I feel as though I have reconnected and rediscovered who I am, what I like, and what I absolutely don't like. I have been given the gift of time to explore what my purpose in life is. I can learn how to keep myself happy and satisfied, rather than lean on somebody else's shoulders.
There's something magical about losing yourself only to find her later.
- Until love changes me again